Business on the Top...Party on the Bottom

As I was getting ready for work today I had the immense pleasure of donning a brand new skirt.  It is seriously gorgeous...a tan herringbone patterned fall piece, but with the most glorious black lace ruffle gracing the bottom edge and a girly black satin ribbon around the waist.  I slipped on my nude Tahari pumps and I was good. to. go.  Not gonna lie.  I felt pretty B.A.

I walked into work and one of my female co-workers looks at me and tells me how I am always so pretty and how much she loved my skirt.  She said it was very, "business on top, party on the bottom."  That made me smile.  That whole naughty/nice thing is really my cup of tea, which is probably a story for another day.  After that, a different co-worker and I then had a little tête-à-tête about dressing up which has subsequently inspired me to grace you with my wisdom on this particular subject.  Yes, I use the term "wisdom" very loosely.

I was fat for the vast majority of my adult life.  Gasp. Yes, I said I was fat.  Why would I say such a thing?  Well...because I was.  I hated shopping.  I never thought I looked good in anything.  Shopping was painful.  Shopping was a horrible reminder that I was nowhere near the person I wanted to be.  To put it bluntly, shopping sucked and frankly I just wasn't comfortable in my own skin.  If you are comfortable and content and perfectly pleased with where you are at...more power to you!  I know some bee-yoo-tee-ful ladies in all shapes and sizes.  I, however, wasn't ok with how I looked and decided to do something about it.

So why oh why do I like to dress up now?  Why do I think it's important? 

One reason is because I've worked my rear off.  Literally.  Like, I lost a big chunk of my arse.  Over the past two years I have lost 80 pounds.  That's like losing a child's worth of weight.  And not a tiny kid either.  It's a mostly big kid who makes trips to the grocery store really darn expensive because they eat like a ravenous human who hasn't been able to find food since the zombie apocolypse. 

The biggest reason I like dressing up is because of how it makes me feel.  When I look like I have my act together on the outside, I feel like I have my act together.  I may possibly even be able to fake that I have my act together.  Yay me!

When I look like an unmotivated slob, that's exactly how I feel.  Seriously, that's not a very good way to feel.  My apologies to all the people who are totally cool with going to the grocery store in their pajamas, but that is not me.  I want to smack those people.  Hard.  Like I know there is nothing wrong with being comfortable.  I get that.  Looking like you've given up on life, however, is really unnecessary.  Unless you have given up on life.  In that case, let me give you a hug. 

In short, dressing up is a damn fine thing.  It makes you feel good.  I challenge you to try it for a few days and see the differences you notice in both how you feel and how other people treat you.  I doubt you'll be disappointed, and heck, you may even like it. 

My Brain is a Big Hot Mess

I spend a fair amount of time each day thinking about stuff.  And when I say "stuff" I mean mostly ridiculous stuff.  Then I have to wonder if other people spend a fair amount of their days thinking about ridiculous stuff too.  Like why is jalapeno bacon so damn good or why do people love kittens so much? 

The thing about me is I don't really like to keep my ridiculous thoughts to myself.  If you hang out with me for any amount of time you'll quickly learn that I say a lot of really brilliant things with wreckless abandon (aka I say a lot of completely idiotic things that will make you raise your eyebrows and wonder why you are hanging out with me).

I was having lunch with one of my fabulous friends yesterday and she said to me that the difference between us was that she had a lot of the same thoughts I did, but I actually say them out loud.  She seemed pleased by that.  A little impressed even.  Maybe that means by verbal filter is faulty or that I'm a tad mentally challenged. 

Since I'm a glass half full kind of girl I'm going to pretend it's a good thing.  I think far too many of us don't share our genuine thoughts and feelings with each other because we worry what people will think...maybe they'll think we are crazy or stupid or inappropriate or completely ridiculous.  The thing is there is an equal chance that just maybe they will be amazed.  Amazed because they've had the same thoughts and felt really alone because they thought they were the only one.  I'm working on being real all the time.  I think, quite possibly, it could make my world a better place. 

I Want To Write

I want to write this blog in the worst possible way.  I used to have a really well read blog.  I loved writing and sharing my thoughts and feelings.  I loved connecting with strangers who became friends because they could relate to my experiences.  I feel like that was a lifetime ago and I was a different person then.  I don't even really know who that person was. 

All I know is every single day I feel the words welling up inside of me that want to come out.  I want to write without thinking or censoring.  I want to be genuine, but at the same time I don't want to be judged.  I feel like those two things definitely do not go hand in hand.  It is a constant conflict swirling around my head. 

To write or not to write.  To let people read my raw thoughts and feelings without worrying about the fallout.  This is my dilemma.